This is a recovery blog for anyone recovering from an eating disorder, self harm, depression, or anything else really! My goal is to keep this blog as positive as possible! I welcome submissions, however overly triggering or negative submissions or asks WILL NOT BE POSTED!!! If you have any questions or comments just ask! To learn more about me go to the about me page!
why the heck am I still awake? I have been working on this assignment for close to 24 hours straight now, plus like an additional 10 or so hours, and I’m still not done. I’m literally about to lose it!
Really? Really? Was that really necessary? Last night, the day after my therapist threatened me with the possibility of IP if I didn’t stop restricting and start eating again, my caregiver says to me, “you eat too much.” I was stunned! All this woman had seen me eat was a bowl of low calorie soup and a handful of low-fat pretzels (both of which, I’m ashamed to say I purged/attempted to purge when she was out of the room), and she had the nerve to think it was appropriate to tell me that I eat too much. I told her she was being inappropriate, but instead of just apologizing and stopping there, she kept going. “All I’m saying,” she continued, “is that with your condition, (referring to my disability, which she really doesn’t know anything about), it’s better to be skinny.” Um, excuse me, but WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? Look, I get it. I’m not thin, but I’m also in recovery from an eating disorder! One of the major things I struggle with, one of the major things that makes it hard for me to stop restricting, is the feeling of being judged for eating! This is the thing my therapist is constantly trying to convince me is irrational, and it’s happening, it’s really happening, I’m not imagining it, I’m not projecting! This is why I envision myself 1000 times bigger than I actually am. This is why I know I’m right when I say things bad things will happen if I eat. If you feel like commenting on someone’s weight, or what they’re eating, stop right there and shut the fuck up! That is not your right, and you have no idea what you may trigger! Needless to say, I’m still really triggered! Every time I try to remind myself I need to eat something, I hear her words and I just can’t. So thanks lady, your “opinion” and “concern” was just what I needed. Thanks for being such a great “help”.